Order in Chaos

And on a side note...

As I was walking to a mass for the graduating seniors this afternoon after school, I heard a crash shortly after I crossed the street and turned to see a car flipped on its side.  The windshield was shattered.  A man was writhing on the ground holding his stomach...

And a people in the area immediately swarmed in.  One man giving orders about calling the firemen right away.  The man on the ground was moved.   The car was lifted right-side up again.  An older woman in traditional indiginous clothes who looked very shaken was seated in the backseat of the car and given water.  I watched for a few minutes and then left, realizing I wasn't needed.  But I was impressed with the order.  The calm.  The way the bystanders immediately took control of the situation.

It was the same last Friday with the floods.  The alarm bell rang in our neighborhood because residents had heard traffic couldn't pass in the nearby park.  This notified the neighbors to take action to close up their houses, move vehicles if they needed to, and even go outside with poles to clean the drains.  The floodwaters came, but by that time manhole covers had been lifted, cars were moved to higher ground, and protective barriers were placed over doors.  And when the flood waters receded, the neighborhood also went to work to clean the mud. 

In a country where the authorities can not always be trusted to do what is necessary in a given situation, the people have taken it upon themselves to do what needs to be done instead.  While there isn't always this level of cooperation, it was good to see it in these two situations.

Last Day...

We had our last day of finals today.  One final exam.  The signing of yearbooks.  Then finishing up grades for report cards and organizing my materials for the teacher next year, giving administration the materials they needed from us, and then handing over my keys.  Then we were done.

Not done completely, because there is still graduation to get through.  But still...

There is something special about those moments when you can look back and see the whole of what was done.  It's a perspective that sees so much more than when you are in the minute-by-minute turmoil of activity and sometimes seeming chaos.  There has been so much this past year that seemed like chaos.  But in working with the students, in the midst of all of that, there were times of pure gold.

There were many trials in this past year, but working with the students was not part of it.  I have really enjoyed working with them and am so, so glad I took the opportunity to come back.  Not that I want to go back and relive any of those harder moments.  And not that I am changing my mind about what is coming and want to turn back. 

I am content with my decision.  I'm just really thankful for the chance to have perspective.  To see pieces of this adventure I didn't notice until the end.  Elements that were right under my nose the entire time waiting to be revealed so I could recognize them. 

My students were wonderful.  And being with them this past year has changed my perspective of myself, my life, and where I see my future.  It has been really good to come back and reconnect with them. To see where life has taken them.  Begin to see the path of where they might be going.  To see a graduating senior, remember them as a fourth grader, and then speculate as to what the future years might hold. 

It's amazing...

A hidden blessing.

Sumergeme

A friend reminded me of this song recently.  I have always found its raw emotion refreshing.  (There is a rough translation of the lyrics below.)




Submerge me.

Tired from the journey
Thirsty for you
A desert I have crossed
It took all my strength
I come to you

I fought like a soldier
Experienced suffering
Although I've won the battle
My armour is worn out
I come to you

Submerge me
In the river of your Spirit
I need to refresh
This dry heart
Thirsty for you

Getting close...

Hopefully in a week from now I will already be home. 

Things have been a little crazy.  A lightning storm Thursday night knocked out the clocks, phone, and internet (as well as the power overnight, though that at least was back on by the time we got to school in the morning).  Phones, clocks, and wireless internet are not back yet, though internet though cables is back up and running. 

Then, Friday night, our street flooded again, though this time, thankfully, the water didn't rise enough to come inside.  Just enough to cover the street in mud, keep cars from being able to come through, and have everybody anxiously watching to see if the house would flood.  Some houses did.  But this time, our house did not. 

We're into finals week.  Finals and graduation.  Then it will be time to make our way home. 

I would appreciate any prayers for safe travel this weekend.  With the rains and mountains, I am hoping there won't be landslides and that the visibility and road conditions will be good. 

I'm looking forward to coming back to America!

Earthquakes and Volcanoes

I woke up this morning to a major jolt in my bed.  Just one.  I woke up enough to make sure the roof wasn't caving in and no more tremors were following after it and then fell back asleep again.  Usually the tremors are more of a side to side motion, but this was more vertical and all at once.  A little scary.

I don't know whether it is related or not, but there is a volcano near Guatemala City (Volcan de Fuego) that began shooting ash and lava today.  They have raised the level of alert, closing some sections of the highway, though they haven't evacuated any areas.  They have notified the airport, though they are just being alert and monitoring the situation.  There have been no changes made to flights at the airport as of yet.  (And hopefully there will not be...)

Two years ago a different volcano near the capital became active, and all of the ash shooting up in the air resulted in the airport closing down.  Some teachers at the school here at that time had to take a bus into Honduras in order to catch a flight home.  To give you some perspective, we live four hours from the capital, and Honduras is (I think) an additional six or eight hours beyond that when traveling by bus.  Plus you have to pass through customs at the border, all before reaching the airport to go through all the customs and security procedures all over again...

If I have to take a bus to Honduras (after all that has happened this past year), I think I will cry.  It's not that going to Honduras would be the worst possible thing that would happen.  It's just that I have moments already when I wonder if I will ever be able to actually get out of here.  I realize it's not entirely rational, but there are moments, as I'm getting hit with yet another complication, when returning to America appears to be an impossible dream.  I am planning for it, yes, but will it really happen?  Or will some other disaster strike that will keep me from doing that, too?

Unless I hear otherwise, I am going to assume my trip home will go smoothly.  There is no reason to worry about it now when the airport is still open.  And God is still good...even if things seem complicated at the time...

I was thinking about that this morning.  How I heard an interview once (I think it was with Billy Graham, but I'm not completely sure) where the reporter asked a Christian if he was afraid to die.  And the man responded by saying he was not afraid of death, but rather the way in which he might die.  I know God brings good from what happens.  That it all works together as part of a greater plan.  (Well, okay, most of the time I remember this and believe it whole-heartedly--in the midst of the moment I'm sometimes not sure).  But it's not always convenient.  It's often downright hard.

And there are times I wish I could be one of those people who plaster a smile on my face and firmly believe with all that is in me that what God wants for my best is what will be painless and convenient.  If only I could meander through life on a path that moved so smoothly.

But no.  Life happens.  And life goes any way but smoothly.  It's an uphill climb more often than not.  You get through one struggle, finally take a breather, see how far you've come, only to be sideswiped and have to begin the painful struggling again.  It's all good, but the good isn't so evident until after the fact...

I was thinking about that the other day...I had to walk to the hospital, and my mind went back to all the other times I walked that path...how, at first, I needed a ride in a car because I was too sick to do it on my own.  Then how I could walk it but it left me worn out.  Then I could walk, but it felt like there was resistance fighting back, like walking in water.  But now, over three months later, I can do it with energy to spare.  I am finally feeling back to normal again.  Finally, after nearly three and a half months...

I am really glad I didn't know when it started how long the process would be.  The string of illnesses.  Sometimes there is comfort in at least being able to hope tomorrow will be better.

Rainy season has started again.  At least I think it has.  We had a false start a few week ago, so perhaps the rains will let up and there will be a reprieve.  My host family put in a barrier that they can put in place in front of the garage door in case the heavy rains come again.  Many homes in this neighborhood have done the same.  Hopefully it will help to keep the houses from flooding again.  But the floods are really part of a much bigger problem.  The barriers can control the symptoms, but until the layout of the city is arranged to allow for drainage of the water that flows from other parts of town to settle in this area, the streets will continue to flood whenever unusually heavy rainfall occurs.  But hopefully the barriers will at least keep the waters and the mud out of homes...that way, at least, it will only be the streets that need the work.

There is a fine line between letting go and keeping hope.  Trusting in God's goodness while accepting the way things go...

I finished a Madeleine L'Engle book today, A Ring of Endless Light, in which a character says that prayer isn't about getting what you want. 

"Prayer was never meant to be magic," Mother said.
"Then why bother with it?" Suzy scowled.
"Because it's an act of love," Mother said.

So maybe prayer isn't about earthquakes and floods and volcanoes.  Maybe that's part of it, and maybe God will act.  Maybe it has more to do with finding God...somehow connecting with Him in the midst of it.

I just can't say I know all of the details about how all of that works.

Turbulence

I found myself telling a friend that I hope my trip home goes smoothly...and I realized that, if it does, it will actually be going contrary to much of the rest of the trip.

Not the entire trip...my travels home and back for Christmas went exceptionally well. So I have at least sufficient reason to hope the remainder of this trip will be the same.

But "smooth sailing" cannot be said for this trip to Guatemala.

I caught myself getting nostalgic about the typhoid earlier today. I know my emotions are going up and down as I'm getting ready to leave, but that's a little ridiculous.

But maybe that's part of the journey of life. We can treasure those moments when they are passed because of what we have gained from having walked through them. For better or for worse, it's one more little piece affecting who we are...

Quiero...

Since I've been posting so much Ricardo Arjona, I thought I would include this video, too. It has a special place in my heart since it is the first of his songs I heard knowing it was him. My only reservation about this one is that I have prayed for Saddam Hussein too much to be able to refer to him as "el idiota mas grande del mundo." Apart from that, I think the song is beautiful. He sings about things he would like to do, all leading up to his desire to forget the one he loves who is not part of his life anymore. On a side note, I came across this biographical information on Ricardo Arjona on Amazon the other day: It says he gave up a career as a basketball player to pursue his career in music. At first, he moved to Mexico City to record his first CD, but they cast him as a romantic figure and the album failed. He then taught primary school for several years before moving to Buenos Aires to try music again, staying true to his own voice this time. That's when he was successful.

A look at death...

I found this juxtaposition of images interesting. In honor of Easter, there is a banner with the resurrected Jesus displayed immediately behind the crucifix in the cathedral. It reminded me of the hidden victory in our suffering...that end result that is so very difficult to see when one is in the midst of the trial. I hope I can have eyes to see and believe even when things look dark and impossible. Eyes to hope. And eyes to trust.

La nena...

This song is a tearjerker.  About the abduction of a little girl from the child's point of view.  Guatemala is a country with a history of abductions, people taken for ransom.  I don't hear about it happening so often anymore, but that doesn't mean it has stopped entirely.  There is a reason people have tinted windows in their vehicles in Guatemala City.  There is a reason the wealthier families often have bodyguards.  And there are reasons some people choose to live in walled neighborhoods with guards at the gate.  So I am sharing this song, with a rough translation of the lyrics posted beneath it.  And here is a prayer sent out to all those innocent parties caught up in struggles outside their experience or control, to everyone caught up in someone else's dangerous game.  May God have mercy on them, may the world's eyes be opened, and may these precious little ones entrapped in the system be set free. 

The little girl woke up at 6:42 She wrinkles up her eyes to block out the light She recites her prayer as always to God This is followed on her chest with the sign of the cross Not far from her, a car waiting two blocks to the south Armed with textbooks, she goes to the chauffeur Mom says good-bye at the door, waving her hands The girl is nine years old, how could her mother know that she would spend four months following her tracks... And the car that is waiting two blocks away starts its engine. A bullet in the chauffeur's temple, the little girl goes adrift A tree blocks the car; they have her surrounded Her forehead hits the glass and she is wounded The neighbors are inside; no one has seen anything And the hand that killed her chauffeur now blocks her cries The little girl is as nothing starting today The little girl doesn't wrinkle up her eyes; she has not seen light In the branch office of hell, there are no windows Her luck is fixed on currency from another country Her life is a vulgar barter similar to death The little girl is not going to go this afternoon to her English class... The little girl is a tied-up bundle in a brown Chrysler A shoe presses her back, a handkerchief her mouth The little girl is scared to death and doesn't know why The little girl doesn't know that at times even God makes mistakes The little girl is sleepless, a news item; the little girl isn't there Her planet changed its size; it measures 4 x 3 Her sun is the light that filters beneath the door The little girl already doesn't know the difference between a day and a month The little girl doesn't know if she dreams or is awake The little girl has now spent three months wondering why Six kilos lighter, the little girl has red sores Her father is almost crazy, her mother goes to the hospitals once again They agree to the delivery with a manipulated voice The same that has come offering bodily souvenirs And the fear that laughs at everything and rubs its hands The future will have a surly face if they give him such desire The little girl no longer wrinkles her eyes, she has not seen light In the branch-office of hell there are are no windows Her luck is fixed on currency from another country Her life is a vulgar barter similar to death The little girl has now gone ten months without going to ballet On the indicated day, the money is under the bridge The little girl finally leaves the room where she has been guarded All goes as agreed, there is nothing left waiting Suddenly the chief bursts into the room with face uncovered The little girl recognizes the face of someone she knows Because of that, the plans have had to change...

Thought for the day...

A prayer from a devotional by Charles Spurgeon:

O Lord, if it is not springtime in my chilly heart, I pray You make it so, for I am tired of living at a distance from You. When will You bring this long and dreary winter to an end? Come, Holy Spirit, and renew my soul! Quicken me, restore me, and have mercy on me! This very night I earnestly implore you, Lord, to take pity upon Your servant and send me a happy revival of spiritual life!

And a classic...

from Ricardo Arjona.  Jesus es verbo, no sustantivo.  (Jesus is a verb, not a noun)

Cold Feet

Somehow, in the past couple of days, I have gone from listening to American music and counting down the days until I could leave here to listening to Spanish music like it's my security blanket against the upcoming change. 

Change scares me.  You wouldn't probably know it from my track record, but transitions are hard for me. 

So, maybe, in addition to my thankfulness item of the day today I will also post another song to remind me of the country I will miss when I'm not here anymore.

Today I am thankful for the view from the mountainside when I am at school...the sun on the buildings spread out across the valley.  I don't stop to enjoy the view so often anymore, but last semester I found them to be nourishment for the soul...so, for the view from the mountainside, I am incredibly grateful.

And now I give you a video I found online for Ayudame Freud by Ricardo Arjona.  (I can't vouch for the spelling and grammar--I have only watched it enough to know that there is little use of tildes.  Does that sound like it is spoken by a Spanish teacher, or what? :-)  Enjoy.

Today...

I am thankful for mass.  Perhaps I've listed this one before--I can't really remember.  But today, as so many times over the course of the past semester, I am thankful for the opportunity to go to mass...In spite of not being Catholic, it has become my haven.

And to make up for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, I am thankful for rellenitos, a yummy food that consists of platanos wrapped around bean paste--a flavorful, slightly sweet snack.

I am also thankful for arroz con leche or any atol (or drink) made from a variety of ingredients.  They are served warm, are usually quite sweet, and are very tasty.

And for the last entry, I will jump on the bandwagon and say I am thankful for Ricardo Arjona.  I have enjoyed listening to his music over the course of the year.  He is a Guatemalan singer with a poet's ear for lyrics, and I have enjoyed being introduced to some of his many songs.  My favorites so far:  Ayudame Freud and Quiero.   (And Fuiste tu, of course.)

(Please pardon the lack of tildes on my Spanish words--I still haven't figured out exactly how to do them on my keyboard. :-)

Sounds of Guatemala

I thought I would share a couple of videos for songs that are very popular here right now.  The first is a video by a Grammy award winning Guatemalan singer named Ricardo Arjona.  The duet is with another Guatemalan named Gaby Moreno, who, from what I heard, was singing in bars in Guatemala City until this duet with Ricardo Arjona brought her to stardom.  The video is filmed entirely in Guatemala, so it will give you an idea of some of the major sites around here.  I hope you enjoy it.   (On a side note, Ricardo Arjona was back in Guatemala about a month ago to do concert in Guatemala City--it was a big event--two nights of concerts in the football--soccer--stadium.)  I have also included a video with the lyrics below (for any people out there wanting to practice their Spanish. :-) 



This second video is by a duo named Jesse & Joy. I don't know a lot about them, but this song is on the radio A LOT. (Warning: This video has some scenes that are kind of graphic--maybe not best for little ones to watch.)

Thankfulness 2

I'm a little behind on my thankfulness posts, so here we go--four days in one:

1--I am thankful for the shekas con frijoles at Xelapan.  It's a round roll of white bread with flour on the outside and black bean paste in the middle.  It's yummy.

2--I'm thankful for the random bursts of color with flowers on balconies, roofs, and other fenced-in places.  Since landscaping isn't all that common here, except for parks, the flowers in windows and on little decks add a very welcome burst of life and color to the scenery inside the city.

3--Okay, this one isn't specifically something I am thankful for about Guatemala, but it is what I am thankful for today.  I am thankful that, when the water goes out upstairs (as it has done a time or two since I came here) we still get water from the tap downstairs.  The fact that water is available somewhere in the house, even if that somewhere isn't the upstairs bathroom, is a huge relief, even if it is at a time of day where I wouldn't generally be needing it.  I like to know it's there and will be when I need it.

4--I'm thankful for my favorite cafe in town.  It's a nice place to go when I want to get out of the house and go somewhere else to read or do work.  The servers are friendly, and I can get my fill of 1990s musical hits (with other decades thrown in as well).

Contrasted with unthankfulness...

I probably shouldn't even mention it, but here are some things I'm not so thankful for today:

--Certain side streets that smell of urine--possibly because the walls have been used as urinals for far too long.
--Getting enveloped in a cloud of dust and black exhaust from chicken buses that pass me when I'm walking.
--The sight (and sound) of a young man vomiting in the street when I left my house today--although I was thankful he had a friend with him, so he wasn't in that state alone.
--Creepy men who feel the need to expose themselves to unsuspecting young ladies walking down the street (not me, thankfully, but still...)

And to balance out the list, here are a few things I am thankful for today:

--That no pigeons went to the bathroom on me when I walked beneath a flock of them today.
--For French class
--For already having a job lined up for next year
--And for pepper spray, which helps me feel a lot safer when walking alone, especially when darkness falls...
--And for the number of people I've talked to who have been so friendly and helpful.
--The chance to hang out with friends and...
--The privilege to pray, even when it isn't easy.

Thankfulness...

As I am heading into a time of transition, down to the last few weeks of the school year, I've decided to start a list of things I am thankful for here in Guatemala--one for each day.  Yesterday's item was:

Day 1--I am thankful for the ready availability of ice cream.  Almost every city block has either an actual ice cream store or a tienda with a deep freezer filled with Sarita brand ice cream.  Cremosas, yogurt, ice cream sandwiches the flavor of cheesecake... The strange thing is, I'm not that big of a fan of ice cream when I'm in the United States, but here now, at this time of year, there is something about it that definitely hits the spot.  So helado is my choice for "Thankfulness Item #1."

Day 2--Tamales.  Paches de papa or tamales de arroz... We had tamales for dinner tonight.  The rice and chicken mixture covered with a brown, slightly spicy sauce and a sliver of red pepper.  Served, as always, in a neatly folded banana leaf...and, of course, accompanied by bread in a bag from Xelapan (but thankfulness for Xelapan I'll leave for another day--it is far too deserving of an entry all its own). 

Easter

Out of all the holidays, it is hardest for me to be outside the country for Easter.  Perhaps Christmas would come close to that, but I have yet to be away for that particular holiday.

Easter, for me, involves getting together with relatives and going to a sunrise service at the Lutheran church...(or whatever other church is available).  This Sunday, I went to mass.  It was nice.  The church was so full there were people in the aisles, and the wall behind the altar was draped with yellow fabric, a color of celebration.

It is interesting to see how things are done here, but the closer I get to June, the more I find myself looking forward to home.  It's a tug-of-war, this focusing on the now to appreciate each moment and do what needs to be done right here and now while simultaneously becoming more and more anxious to return to the United States.  Less than two months to go...

I read an article on culture shock recently, and it spoke about the emotions involved in coming home--pulling away emotionally in preparation for letting go while still having to live and work in that country.  The truth of the matter is, I don't dislike Guatemala.  It's just that, as much as I love it, there are many times where I would just even more rather be going home.  I'm ready.  Not completely--there is still a lot that needs to be done before I'll be ready to actually go home, but I'm ready to begin the process of letting this part of my life go.  I'm ready to move forward and find out what is coming up ahead.

...

Another video...

Here is another video from the first procession we saw this morning.  The morning's procession was of Jesus carrying the cross, followed by the Virgen de Dolores (Mary) weeping at his death.  Then, this afternoon, starting at about 3:00, new alfombras were set up in the park.  These were all black and tan with pictures in the center depicting various stages on the path to the crucifixion.  Then a number of processions came through the park, depicting the stations of the cross and Jesus in his tomb followed (again) by the weeping virgin, this time clothed in black.  Most of these went through the park after dark, and people in the procession lined the streets holding candles as the processions moved through.

I found it helpful to watch the sequence of events today, to be reminded of what this holiday is about...and am excited about Easter Sunday (though the celebration here is very different than in the U.S.--the Catholics tend to emphasize Good Friday here, and the evangelical churches don't quite make it the massive celebration it typically is at home).  There will be one more procession that day, depicting the resurrected Jesus, and there will be the opportunity to hear the story read aloud in church.  Then we'll be back to life as normal and focusing on finishing out the rest of the year.

Video

Here is video of a procession from this morning.

A few more photos...

Sights and Sounds of Guatemala...

Semana Santa (or Holy Week) in Guatemala includes alfombras (carpets made of colored sawdust, grasses, and flowers) and processions in which the images of Jesus and Mary are brought out of the Catholic churches and paraded through the streets.  Many of the evangelicals here avoid the processions, but as a foreigner, I joined "my people" (the tourists) and took some pictures to share.  I also have some video, but I am in the process of figuring out how to go about adding video to a blog.

Enjoy.

These are the signs posted along the streets announcing that no parking will be allowed for the processions.

And here are some of the alfombras. We got up early to see some of them being made.

And my favorite, for how artistic it was:

Tuesday thoughts...

I realized this morning I have been having the same song going through my head every morning when I head to the bus stop.  I don't think about it in the morning or at night before I go to bed, and yet, every morning, as soon as I step out the door, it's there:

Oh, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back like a scroll,
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul...

And quite honestly, there were several days when this happened when I wasn't actively feeling this way at all.

Life has been complicated, but in the end, God is good. 

It has been good to be able to step back and see the thread running through some of the past...see that good can come from things that didn't seem so very good at the time...

Those moments of clarity are so very precious.  Sometimes I wish they would come more often.  Then I am thankful I am able to have these times at all.  It puts everything in perspective, for the time being, anyway.

On a side note, I got my first request for a job interview today.  That was a very pleasant surprise, especially since it's from a district I hadn't completely finished applying to yet.  I'm just praying that God will guide the process and I'll end up in the place that's best for me (whatever "best" might mean--I'm learning "best" doesn't always come in the packaging I expect it to be).

I am thankful for the blessings, the greatest of which is the ability to see.

Update...

Life decisions are hard...

I used to think that all grown-ups saw life as following more of a plot...that you just knew what road you were on.  Mine hasn't been that way so far, and I am beginning to see that things may not be changing on that note anytime soon.

But I've also started realizing that other people are in that boat, too.  And have been in the past.  I've been reading through Genesis and starting Exodus, and I have been really struck by how confusing things must have been for the people involved.  Joseph...Moses...people I always imagined totally having their act together.  But from the way that they reacted to the things that happened to them, I get the impression now, it probably was hard for them, too.

I started experimenting with praying instead of worrying over the past few days...so far it has helped a lot, though it still hasn't made life what I would call "easy."  But the load is lighter, and I guess that means a lot.  And it is a healthier way of dealing with my problems. 

My worries have seemed a little heavier the past few weeks...little by little, I am physically feeling better.  Latest word is that I don't have any typhoid anymore, but there is some other kind of lingering infection I need to take medicine for.  My emotions are starting to rally, too, which has been great, though still not back to functioning at 100%.

And I've been filling out job applications and waiting for responses...and then the past few days started wondering if I really wanted to go back to the United States next year after all (the old second-guessing step in the decision-making process...).  I still think I'm going home.  It's the step that makes the most sense right now.  I imagine I'll be second-guessing more, though, before I actually make it home.  Although, it would be nice to have that go differently this time--to learn how to enjoy being here without wanting to cling to it to make it something more.  To enjoy life for what it is right now while being willing to let go, knowing something different and equally good will be coming in the future.

As far as that goes, we had our last Mexico trip a week ago...now I'm good to stay in the country until I fly home in early June.  Holy Week is next week--a whole week off of school.  Quite a few teachers are going traveling, but I think I'll stay home and get together with people.  Take it easy.  Maybe read some books, go to church, maybe go and watch a few processions...

I would appreciate prayers for emotional and physical energy.  While I am feeling much better than I did not too long ago, I am still dragging a little bit in both regards.  I would like to end the year strongly to be able to move forward to what is coming next with energy and excitement.  Major transitions can be hard enough on their own, even when I do feel prepared to face them.

Confusing...

I saw him in a grocery store a few months ago...young, dirty.  First asked me for a quetzal and then broadened the request to include groceries.  I bought them and thought it was done.

Then I ran into him again at a pharmacy...Well, not "ran into" exactly.  I saw him walking by on the street (trying to place where I had seen him before) and he came inside to greet me.  And ask for money...

I wasn't entirely comfortable with that, but he said he needed the money for medicine, and he did have a nasty-sounding cough...

So I gave him the money.  He lingered, alternating between smiling at the people in line (some of whom were giving him dirty looks) and avoiding their eyes. 

He did indeed buy amoxicillan, but then, outside the pharmacy he decided to ask for more money.

He stopped talking whenever other people came into earshot.  Some confusing story about needing money to pay for medicine on the coast, that he owed somebody, begging me to help him pay for it.  Promising to pay me back if I meet him outside a specific place this Saturday.  Then wanting money for a birthday gift for his mother.  I told him I would feel better helping him buy the gift instead of giving money.  He said, standing with his back to one side of a parked car (hiding, I sensed, from the way he was looking anxiously around him) that he couldn't in this neighborhood.  Too many people know him.  He could get mugged.  He was afraid...

So I started to ask him why he was afraid.  "I don't know" was his answer.  Was someone forcing him to do something against his will?  He said no and went back to asking for money.  Begging.  Promising to pay me back.  Telling me he was sick and his sister was a lot worse.   He got down on his knees on the curb to ask me again.

In the end, I gave him the money.  In spite of my better judgment.  It wasn't a lot by American standards, but I know it's a lot for a kid walking alone on the street to be carrying in his pocket. 

And now I am confused, wondering if I did something wrong or even dangerous.  Knowing if I see him again, I will have to say no.  It's not a good idea to be giving money out that way in the Guatemalan streets.  No way of knowing what could be perpetuated or if I'm making myself a more obvious target. 

One thing is for sure--I plan to avoid the place he claimed to meet me so he could pay me back the money.  Just in case there is something else at work.

And frustrated.  Wishing it didn't need to be so complicated.  Wishing I knew the culture better and the best way to respond.  And wishing I didn't stand out so much to bring larger numbers of these kinds of situations to my attention.

The asking gets so complicated.  And receiving help sometimes only makes the problem worse.  Or leads to the person returning to ask for more and more and more...not a long-term solution to the problem. 

Saturday

I decided to start taking French today...I took a semester back in college, and I decided to take it up again.  This now makes two times in my life that I intended to learn a biblical language only to end up learning French instead.  In January I had gotten word that I could audit a New Testament Greek class for free at a local seminary, but then I got sick and after so many weeks have gone by, I have a feeling I would be hopelessly lost if I were to try to start.  So, on a whim yesterday, I went in to ask about the classes I saw advertised on a sign.  The conversation went well, and I started classes today.

The director of the French school recommended I join a class that has already been meeting for a couple of months.  That way I could have the challenge of catching up rather than being bored as they go over things I already know.  (She's a woman after my own heart. :-)  It was fun.  I found myself taking mental notes of what the teacher did that helped me understand since he spoke quite a bit of French and I am nowhere near a conversational level yet.  (Having taught so many English Language Learners, it is helpful to throw myself into their shoes once in a while to gain perspective.)  The teacher called on me in class and often stood beside me to check my understanding as they went over the activities he had assigned as homework.  I even got to take a test.  It wasn't for a grade, just for practice for a test the students have the option of taking in May.  I gave it my best shot--I'm sure I made some drastic mistakes.  There was a moment when I wrote the french word for "mother" and was afraid I might have accidentally written a similar sounding word that means something very different (something you would definitely not want to call your mother to her face :-).  It will be interesting to see how I actually did when I get it back. 

So I'm taking French in Spanish, and finding I like it.  It's a lot of fun.

On another note, I need to go to the doctor tomorrow to get some more tests done about the typhoid...then I get to go to a specialist on Monday to find out why all my symptoms haven't gone away yet.  Quite honestly, I am getting to the point where I am praying to God to let me go home in one piece...with no lasting side effects.

Update

My apologies for not posting to this blog in so long...

It's five weeks now since I first came down with the typhoid...About halfway through my round of hard-core antibiotics, we had the annual staff retreat.  Thankfully, I started getting my energy back the day before we were scheduled to go.  I didn't HAVE to go; the school would have understood if I had needed to stay home.  However, the staff retreat is at a really nice resort that is (I believe) run by the Guatemalan government...right across the road from the water park/amusement park.  We went to the water park in the morning and then went across the street to where the hotels are located.  It's a beautiful complex of hotels, restaurants, a spa, swimming pools, and lots of greenery and fancy birds.  My favorite were the peacocks.  I had never realized until this trip how very loud they are.  For some reason, with all their finery, I had always pictured them as being very quiet, letting their feathers speak for themselves.  But no, their voice is loud.  So loud that when we first got to the hotel and were gathered outside for instructions, the peacock in the branches of the tree above us drowned out the speaker's voice, and she had to wait until the bird finished to continue.

 For an example of the peacock's call, you can check out this link:  http://youtu.be/QaH0Q42lbGw

Staff retreat was interesting...since I was recovering from typhoid, I didn't really feel up to doing very much.  And eating at the restaurant was a little tricky since my diet at that time was still very restricted (no grease, no dairy, no sugar, no beans...).  I came prepared with some food of my own, and then had to be very careful at the restaurants.  The entire experience gave me a new empathy for people who have to live with food restrictions on a daily basis...having to ask the employees for changes in the menu, having to trust they would indeed make the changes, knowing if they didn't I would end up getting sick...In the morning, when we went to breakfast, we went to a buffet (mostly because I figured it might be safer to be able to look at the food before deciding if it was safe to eat).  And I realized after looking at all the options and asking questions that, out of everything being offered, I could literally only eat the bread.  I'm not used to making a fuss when I go out to eat.  I usually just try to blend in as best I can..,but I decided to ask the man who had taken my ticket if it would be possible to switch my order to something off of the menu.  When I explained why, he immediately said it was no problem, he would simply ask the kitchen to make items without the grease, sugar, dairy, etc.  It was very sweet, and humbling, to have them going to so much trouble.  And I ended up with a massive mound of food...hard-boiled eggs, fresh-cut fruit, papaya juice without added sugar, oatmeal with no milk or sugar, boiled plantains...it was wonderful.  He even made small talk while I was waiting.   

We had a very nice devotional time led by a couple of the teachers in the evening while we were there, sitting outside, asking God for direction and listening in silence...

A few days after we returned from staff retreat, I finished my antibiotics.  Then I had a few days of waiting before getting tested again to see if all the typhoid was gone.  It wasn't, but the levels were lower.  The doctor said it would probably be okay to just let it be since the levels would continue going down over the course of about a month, but when the school asked another doctor's opinion, that doctor thought I should try another week of antibiotics (the easy kind, wimpy ones without all the side effects) especially since I wasn't feeling 100% normal yet.  However, the levels were low enough that the doctor clarified that I no longer actually had typhoid.  That was encouraging.  So I had a week of more medicine combined with probiotics to get my stomach back to normal after so much sickness and hard-core medicine.  I finished that about a week ago.  I had a couple of days of still feeling kind of tired, and then I came down with a cold.  Which actually doesn't bother me that much because, even though I don't feel awesome, I feel way better than I did before.  And I'm back on regular food and have been for almost two weeks now.  That is amazing. 

We have Spiritual Emphasis Week this week.  A team came down from Littleton, Colorado.  The principal had mercy and told me I could stay at the school with the elementary kids instead of going along on the retreat with the secondary students, even though they don't have as many female teachers to chaperone.  I so appreciate it...after having been sick for almost five weeks straight, the principal said they didn't want to push me too hard since my body hasn't completely bounced back yet.  So with the elementary kids I have been in charge of taking pictures at the activities to put together a slide show for the last chapel at the end of the day tomorrow.  We've had chapel everyday and then the elementary students have had VBS activities for about an hour every morning and games for a half hour in the afternoon.  Half the team stayed here to work with the elementary kids and the other half went on the retreat with the middle school and high schoolers. 

I've gotten really good at planning activities for my students around not feeling well.  I think that has been a good thing.  I do less teacher-centered teaching and have them more actively involved.  Overall, I would say it has been going well.

We have the end of the quarter next week.  Then just one more quarter to go before the year is over.  I already bought my airplane ticket home.  And I have been applying for jobs...  We go to Mexico in about a week.  Then we have parent-teacher conferences (the last ones).  Then a few weeks after that will be Holy Week...we get that entire week off of school (along with a big percentage of people in Guatemala).

We had our embassy meeting earlier this week.  Every year and a half or so the ambassador and a few other officials from the American embassy in Guatemala City come to our town to touch base with the Americans living here, give us some information and take the time to answer questions.  It was surprising how many people in the crowd I recognized...not by name, necessarily, but by sight like I had seen them before.  There were the Mennonites who run The Bake Shop (they took up a couple of rows), some business people, some parents from our school, random people I've seen around town...and I met someone who works for an NGO who I realized today might possibly live right around the corner from where I do (near some other teachers from the school)...it's a small world.

Apart from all of that, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the future.  I've realized I'm really not used to getting sick...normally I am really very healthy.  I think because of that, I tend to start thinking of myself as someone who doesn't get sick, like it becomes part of my identity.  So, in some strange way, getting sick has in a way gotten me thinking more about my own weakness, my own mortality...not that I was near death, but by seeing myself as weak, I also saw a little more clearly the closeness of death, even though I wasn't standing near the door myself at all.  I'm just not as invincible as I thought I was.  And I've been realizing I need to take care of myself.  My mental clock keeps saying there is a time frame for feeling one hundred percent better.  And then I would get frustrated when my body wouldn't follow that clock...I've had to throw up my hands and just deal with it.  There is no way to rush getting better.  Rest is just that--rest--not a striving and pushing forward.  So I'm taking it slow...And I'm seriously thrilled by how much I am able to do now. 

I would appreciate any prayers about the future.  And for health.  A lot of people have colds right now.  I think the situation isn't helped by the winds we have been having lately.  With it being dry season, there is a lot of dust to blow around.  Probably not surprising so many people have sniffling noses and coughs.

I should probably sign off now and go to bed...I intend to post more often in the future.  I appreciate all of you who do check in and see how it's going.


  

Poco a poco...

Little by little...

Things to be thankful for:

I had more energy today.  Enough to break into a happy dance when I realized I had a little energy to spare this morning.  Made it through the school day without feeling completely wiped out.  Even went for a short walk this afternoon--to the park and back.  I took it slow...was a lot more tired walking home than when leaving, but still, I was able to walk to the park at normal speed (well, relatively speaking anyway...)

The light in my room stopped working, but the family loaned me a lamp.  (I have a flashlight, too...kind of handy to have setting on the nightstand when you're living in Guatemala...)

It will be two weeks tomorrow since the first day I got sick...I guess I can be thankful I at least now know what it is, have medication for it, and was able to get a shot that kept me from getting the full-blown thing...only one more week until the date when I MIGHT be over it.  I might need to circle that date on the calendar, the day when I might receive news of a clean bill of health...

I've realized I've developed a whiny attitude.  I may not verbalize it, but I definitely feel it inside.  Maybe it's a lesson in patience...I'm not really sure.  I definitely get impatient...wondering why it's taking so long for my body to recover.  You're on antibiotics, bounce back already...  And then wondering why I am having so much trouble over something that is "nothing, really..."  Just a minor case of typhoid.  Not the real thing...  Until I tell people what I have and they freak out on me...like my Guatemalan students who have doctors for parents...

Maybe I need to cut myself some slack and just wait to recover.  I think I try to push the process along, thinking there is a certain amount of time in which I should recover.

But I will get better. 

As a friend told me recently, it's poco a poco...necesita paciencia.

Oh, and I am thankful I didn't electrocute myself last weekend.  Word to the wise: When turning off the switch for the hot water in the shower, be careful to touch only the outer part of the switch; don't allow your thumb to make contact with the base.  Perhaps by saying "electrocute" I exaggerate, but there was more electricity there than I am comfortable with.  I guess that would explain why someone I know once referred to this kind of shower as the "widow maker." 

attitude adjustment...

I have to admit...my attitude needs work.

I came home from school early today, got a substitute to cover my last class.  Then, when the fatigue and dizziness I had felt this morning and all weekend suddenly switched to wide awake, headache, no food sounds good, I checked the little paper that came with my antibiotics...

And yep, sure enough, ALL those symptoms are side effects of the medicine. 

Which means I'm not just waiting for the medication to kick in; I'm waiting to stop taking the medication.

Which means I'm not just waiting for tomorrow...I'm waiting for seven more days.

Yes, I know, that really isn't that long.  I've been reminding myself today of people who have to deal with much worse everyday.  I keep telling myself chemotherapy would be a much worse medication, and that taking these pills is essential to getting healthy again...

But still...seven more days.

I definitely need an attitude adjustment.  (Maybe it's time to start belting out "I Will Praise You in This Storm" at the top of my lungs until the words start to sink in?  Nah...then I might start having problems with other people in the house... :-)

I don't think I ever want to get within a foot of anything even slightly undercooked again...and I don't even know that that's what made me sick.

If anybody wants to pray for me, you can be my guest.

Saturday

All things considered, Saturday was a good day...

We had sunny weather all day.  (Although it is dry season, we have been getting rain and thunderstorms every evening for about a week.)  I went out to get some fresh air this morning, walking to an internet cafe and then around the park before going back home.  Not too bad...I just took it slow, slowing down even more whenever my legs got wobbly.  My world has shrunk considerably in the past week or so.

I spent the afternoon napping and reading...letting the medicine kick in and get to to work.  My own personal fumigation system...

Antibiotics are awesome...even if they are less than pleasant at the time.

Sickness and updates...

I found out yesterday I have a partial form of typhoid.

Yeah...

I'm really glad I got the vaccination last summer, otherwise it would be a full-blown case of typhoid.  That would not be cool...my sources tell me the full-blown case involves fevers so high it makes your bones hurt...

I have not had ridiculously high fevers, thankfully.  Just an upset stomach, achiness, and energy levels that drag and don't get better.

But at least I have a name for it now.  And medicine.  When the doctor told me about the medicine, she said, "This will make you nauseous, decrease your appetite, and dry out your mouth and make it taste like metal, but it's important that you eat something because if you don't, it could damage your stomach..."

Based on that recommendation, I was expecting the worst, but so far I haven't had any really awful side effects...

My host mom was really sweet this morning when she checked to see how I was doing.  She said they prayed for me at the prayer meeting at her church this morning, that with God nothing is impossible...

My energy levels plummeted yesterday, and I started to wonder if I was just being a pain for the other people in the house to deal with...

Antibiotics are wonderful things...makes me wonder what life was like before we had them.  That would have been so scary when people would get symptoms with nothing to do about them...

And it also got me thinking about whoever it was who discovered the typhoid vaccine.  Whoever it was definitely deserves a plate of cookies or a pat on the back...And if anybody is planning on traveling overseas, I definitely recommend making a stop at the local travel clinic before going on your way.  It is well worth it.  Even if it doesn't block something in its entirety.  It is much better to get the partial version than having to deal with it full force.

On another note, I did talk to the director of the school today about my decision regarding the next school year.  He said it was fine to think about it some more and let him know in a few weeks what I have decided.  In the meantime, I've started applying for some jobs back home.  After giving it a lot more thought, I am still seeing coming home as a distinct possibility.  I guess I'll see what happens as I move forward with this...

My mom told me yesterday that she heard the state department had issued a travel warning recommending people not travel along the Guatemala-Mexico border.  I checked online, though, and it says the particular state we will be traveling to has no travel warning in effect.

The past few days...

I thought about labeling this post "contentment", but then I realized I'm not close enough to being there...

It has been kind of a rough few days.  Nothing major, but things seeming more serious simply because I don't have the physical energy to deal with them.

I got sick Thurs night and am still recovering.  Had a sub cover my classes on Fri.  Visited the doctor and the lab, went back to the doctor for some injections...

Little by little I'm getting better (though the walk to the internet cafe made me feel about ready for a nap--but still, it is easier to walk today than it was yesterday, and walking anywhere yesterday was easier than it was the day before).  And the family and the school have been wonderful...

But it's getting tiring, not having energy.  I am thankful for the time to read--I'm really enjoying that part of it, actually.

But not having energy, even after just three short days, is getting old.

And other things have happened.  I started having problems with my computer's power cord (which is why I decided to venture out to the internet cafe) yesterday.  Then the water heater on our shower stopped working today.  The son at the house knows how to fix it and just has to get a part this afternoon, but I decided to be stubborn and shower with cold water.  It wasn't that bad.  By late morning it was getting warmer outside, and since we had power this time (since that wasn't the reason for cold water) I could warm up with my hair dryer.

Not a big deal...

But with all the time to think while I'm resting, I've found myself seriously thinking about the next two years...how much do I really want to continue here and how much do I just want to go home...

I think I'll get more clarity when I have more energy to process with.  But in the meantime, the question lingers...

I guess for now I'm thankful for the internet cafes so I can maintain my connection home.  And thankful for another day that I can sit around and rest.  Hopefully by tomorrow getting through a school day won't be too much of a challenge.  I'm definitely getting better so I am hoping to be back to normal soon.

Song

Here is a song I've been thinking about a lot today.  It's a song about how short life is...and learning to hold on to love throughout it.  Enjoy. :-)

Thoughts...

Wow, it's already almost February...

If things keep going this way, I have a feeling I'll be going home for summer before I know it...

Yet there is part of me that holds my breath, wondering if it will really go that smoothly, especially after the eventfulness of last semester.  So far this semester has been productive but peaceful, no big surprises...and thus far the quietness of it has been welcome.

I'm finding I'm not stressing as much as I used to.  Learning to live in today and let tomorrow take care of itself. 

I think it's a mindset that snuck up one me.  A process...  I guess I've just gotten to the point that I don't want to borrow trouble anymore.  Perhaps it came about as a result of looking back with 20/20 vision and seeing a greater hand was guiding things even when I was not aware it was happening.  And maybe it is the result of reaching the end of what I can worry about on my own, and maybe I also just got tired of tormenting myself...

Whatever the reason, I have found myself relaxing more.  Living today.  Trusting that tomorrow I will have the energy to walk through whatever tomorrow brings...

And so far it's working well.

I look back at the last week and tend to think it was a quiet week...but I think it's just that my perspective has changed.  If I had been looking for something to worry about, there would have been plenty to choose from.  But being aware and then trusting...it's far, far better.

And my buddies...

the fleas. 

That's right--they're back again.  Not full force, but enough to let me know they're there.  Not sure if they are in the house or just jumping on me in the street to say hello.

I was thinking today, though--with how prevalent fleas were in the Middle Ages, I would think my ancestors would have developed an immunity over time that would have worked its way down to me...

But apparently not.

Oh, well, Guatemala...I guess I'll just respond with an "I love you, too."  :-)

The last two weeks...

My apologies for taking so long to post to this blog again...

To give an update of the past couple of weeks--

1--I decided to sign on for two more years at the school.  It took a lot of prayer and consideration to get to that point, but now that it's done, I'm excited to see what the next couple of years will bring.  A little nervous, yes, but that's okay.

2--Some of you may have heard about the earthquake yesterday that was centered near the Guatemalan border in southern Mexico.  We did feel it here.  We often get little tremors that just shake the furniture a little bit (the kind you hardly even notice unless you are sitting or lying down).  But yesterday's was stronger and lasted longer--sufficient to frighten people enough to run outside. 

I was out with a couple of friends at a mountainside restaurant when it happened.  We had just sat down at a plastic table outside, taking in the view overlooking the city.  It was funny because I was just thinking as I sat down, "This wouldn't be a very good place to be sitting in an earthquake..."  Then, just as I brushed the thought out of my mind, reminding myself all would be okay, and got comfortable, the ground started to shake.  One friend was sitting right near the edge on a chair set up to take in the view.  We jumped up and moved toward safety as the three employees in the restaurant ran outside, exclaiming over how long the shaking was lasting and looking a little frightened and then laughing at their fear.  Then, when all was still, people pulled out cell phones to check with family members to make sure all was well.

Just like in America, conversation centered around that topic for quite some time afterwards.  What they had heard about the earthquake in other parts of town, sharing theories about why Guatemala tends to have more tremors this time of year and whether the shaking is felt more the higher up one gets in the mountains...

But all in all, all was well.  Some pictures fell off walls.  Some sectors of town lost phone service for a short while afterwards.  But I didn't hear of any serious damage.  Just of people being startled and running outside in case the houses started to fall. 

Hopefully we won't have any more like it for a while. 

3--I had middle school chapel the past two weeks.  Since this month's theme is kindness, I showed clips from the movie To Save a Life and discussed how we can move forward from past mistakes in how we have treated others and how we can change the way we interact with others now. 

4--I've also been settling into my new job responsibilities.  I am now the literacy coordinator in addition to Spanish teacher, so my day goes between teaching my students, working with struggling readers, conferencing with teachers, and going to meetings and preparing for the school-wide writing samples.  I have had to start carrying my agenda with me everywhere I go to make sure I am at the right place at the right time, but I am enjoying the variety.

5--I found a Catholic church here that I really enjoy visiting.  During the week, it's a quiet place to go to pray, and on weekends I enjoy the mass.  One thing I have noticed about the Catholic churches here is that they always seem to be so very crowded on Sundays.  Weekend masses typically have every pew filled with as many people as each one can hold, plus plastic chairs and stools set up along the aisles and the back of the church as well as a crowd of people standing in the back.  While in the U.S. we might at this point consider stepping into a major building project, here it seems to just be accepted as the status quo.  From the number of masses at some churches, my guess is they simply add more masses to the schedule if things get overcrowded.   

Today the Scripture readings had to do with Jonah avoiding his calling to go to Nineveh and Jesus calling James and John when they were fishing in their father's boat.  The priest spoke about the need to ask God what He would have us do with our lives.  And he asked us to identify those fears that might be holding us back from doing those things.  This life is hard, with a great deal of violence and uncertainty, but he said that God has the power to make things new and better.  But we need to look at the situation in which we find ourselves, that specific life that God has given us, and ask God what He would have us do with it.

It was surprised by his boldness in mentioning events in Guatemala's recent history, calling people to account and warning them to learn from history so those things do not happen again.  Guatemala's new president was inaugurated last weekend, and the priest made reference to the new president's plan to make Guatemala safer but said everyone plays a role in making Guatemala better. 

He also made reference to priests and bishops in Guatemala who have been killed in their efforts to bring reform to the country.  One in particular that I remember learning about when I was here before was assassinated after he gathered information about the human rights violations that took place during the civil war and made those results known.  It kind of reminds me of the story of Oscar Romero in El Salvador, who was also murdered for his attempts to speak up against much of what was happening in the country.

It takes courage to speak out about those things.

At the end of the service, we sang a song along this theme...of following where God would have us go.  I have included the songs in English and in Spanish.

And a security blanket...

Linus carries his blanket around with him everywhere he goes.  Most of us probably remembering doing something similar when we were small.

When I came to Guatemala the first time, I brought a teddy bear, and it worked well for a while...but I now have a policy against taking any kind of stuffed animals with me overseas.  I won't go into the details of that story now--just let it suffice to say it wasn't pretty and I don't want to see it happen again. 

So teddy bears are no longer an option.

So this time I decided to bring a book on ancient Greek.  My reasoning?  Learning Greek is something I have wanted to do for a very long time.  I actually bought this book several years ago as a safeguard when it looked like I might be facing a difficult situation that would put some lonely time on my hands.  I ended up not needing it, and the book gathered dust on the bookshelf until I came home this last Christmas.  Then as I thought of the challenges of being in Guatemala, I decided to dust the book off and use it for that purpose again. 

This way, should life get lonely or difficult, at least I'll learn Greek. 

And if life goes well, then I'll bring the book back in my suitcase, virtually untouched, knowing other things more important took its place. 

It's not that learning Greek would truly make life that much easier, not any more than Linus's blanket can protect him from harm, but it does bring comfort--in remembering that I have dreams away from here, lifting me out, temporarily, from the present moment.  And sometimes that distance is needed to gain a little perspective.

A good security blanket, if I do say so myself. :-)  What's yours?

Chance Encounters

Yesterday, as the flight attendant was passing drinks over my head, I began to reminisce about times I've had drinks spilled on me while riding on airplanes...

Orange juice on my sleeve...

Apple juice in my lap...

The apple juice incident was memorable...not because of the spill, but because of the person who was talking to me when it happened. 

This person was telling me about his life, how he had moved so many times it no longer bothered him to have to let friendships go (he actually used a more crass expression for it, but I'll leave that part up to your imagination).  I wondered at his attitude, whether what he said was for real.  I, too, had moved a lot, but I knew, in my case, it was just bravado.  Even when I acted "tough" or nonchalant about it, I knew, deep down, there was pain in uprooting and pain in letting go. 

I've learned how to do it, but that doesn't make it easy.  It's even hard to see a friendship change.  To go from daily contact to a long-distance relationship.  Or any of the other myriad changes that come up between people as we go through our lives. 

I know it can be tempting to harden my heart and bluff my way right through it, but I don't think that's the way that's always best...

I think my cousin said it best at our last family gathering: "We'll all be together someday..."  Those who have died, those who still live...those who are simply living far away.

Because we all live with uncertainty and relationships that are constantly changing. 

I think there is a way to care and continue letting go.  A way to keep the heart open while life is slipping through our hands...

A way to love and ask for more, not letting the risks keep us from choosing to try again...

Transitions

I made it back to Guatemala today...a half day of airplane travel, a night at a bed and breakfast in Guatemala City, and a nearly four hour bus ride on winding mountain roads...

Sometimes I'm glad that it takes a little time and effort to make it back and forth.  To just zap myself home like somebody on Star Wars could be disorienting (although I won't argue that there are definite benefits to being able to travel home that quickly).  It's just that sometimes that extra time is needed to let go and start looking forward.  No matter which direction I go, leaving or returning, it is always difficult to leave and adapt to someplace new. 


So I am glad this journey took a little longer...because by last night I was ready for the Bed and Breakfast.  By the time the bus rolled into town today, I was almost ready...enough to take a deep breath and face what was coming.  I'm not quite ready to dive into everything, but I have a couple of days to ease into it before moving forward full speed. 

Little by little, a day at a time...