Update...

Life decisions are hard...

I used to think that all grown-ups saw life as following more of a plot...that you just knew what road you were on.  Mine hasn't been that way so far, and I am beginning to see that things may not be changing on that note anytime soon.

But I've also started realizing that other people are in that boat, too.  And have been in the past.  I've been reading through Genesis and starting Exodus, and I have been really struck by how confusing things must have been for the people involved.  Joseph...Moses...people I always imagined totally having their act together.  But from the way that they reacted to the things that happened to them, I get the impression now, it probably was hard for them, too.

I started experimenting with praying instead of worrying over the past few days...so far it has helped a lot, though it still hasn't made life what I would call "easy."  But the load is lighter, and I guess that means a lot.  And it is a healthier way of dealing with my problems. 

My worries have seemed a little heavier the past few weeks...little by little, I am physically feeling better.  Latest word is that I don't have any typhoid anymore, but there is some other kind of lingering infection I need to take medicine for.  My emotions are starting to rally, too, which has been great, though still not back to functioning at 100%.

And I've been filling out job applications and waiting for responses...and then the past few days started wondering if I really wanted to go back to the United States next year after all (the old second-guessing step in the decision-making process...).  I still think I'm going home.  It's the step that makes the most sense right now.  I imagine I'll be second-guessing more, though, before I actually make it home.  Although, it would be nice to have that go differently this time--to learn how to enjoy being here without wanting to cling to it to make it something more.  To enjoy life for what it is right now while being willing to let go, knowing something different and equally good will be coming in the future.

As far as that goes, we had our last Mexico trip a week ago...now I'm good to stay in the country until I fly home in early June.  Holy Week is next week--a whole week off of school.  Quite a few teachers are going traveling, but I think I'll stay home and get together with people.  Take it easy.  Maybe read some books, go to church, maybe go and watch a few processions...

I would appreciate prayers for emotional and physical energy.  While I am feeling much better than I did not too long ago, I am still dragging a little bit in both regards.  I would like to end the year strongly to be able to move forward to what is coming next with energy and excitement.  Major transitions can be hard enough on their own, even when I do feel prepared to face them.