Sometimes songs are like old friends...

I have found myself thinking about Korea a lot lately...not too surprising, I guess, considering my brother has been on my mind a little more than usual since our trip to Mexico. 

This Todd Agnew song (http://youtu.be/lqY2c3YPE4s) is one I came across for the first time while I was in Korea...there was something about the melody and the lyrics that I found soothing, and so I found myself listening to this particular song over and over again.

Now it is good to listen to the song again...and remember.

Remember the depths God has walked with me through...

Remember that, if I ever need it, He will do so again...

And to remember and be thankful that life, at least for the moment, is just a little less complicated, at least compared to what I was going through before.

Wednesday

It has been a busy week, but a productive one...I've had time to look into revamping grammar instruction with one of my high school classes and find some interesting resources online for listening and looking into how the students are processing language. 

Plus, today, I made it through leading my first chapel for the year.  I have another one coming up in a few weeks...then I will be doing high school and middle school back to back.  I think it went well...I really overplanned; I think I only made it through about half of what I had hoped to do, but that's okay.  I would rather overplan than run out of ideas and need to scramble to fill the time. 

I was nervous about leading the chapel today.  I found I was really leery of accidentally twisting scripture...to get around that, I focused almost entirely on specific Bible verses.  I figured it would be a little safer to present the scripture and get out of the way rather than spend a lot of time expounding on my opinion of it.

We looked at how God can help us when we're scared since the theme this month is "peace."  My next chapel will be during the month on "patience"...

Had a busy couple of days getting back into the swing of things at school.  It's the first full week we've had in a little while.  I am in charge of middle school chapel tomorrow and spent time today putting it together.  Hope it goes well.

And another...

And on the return trip I heard a different kind of song...one of those that comes up from time to time that remind me of my brother...so, Caleb, this one's for you.  Love you.

Who Knew  http://youtu.be/NJWIbIe0N90

Songs

Here is a video I found on YouTube for one of the songs we listened to on our trip...the playlist was from Selah...

My Hiding Place  http://youtu.be/Yhhc2_dQ9jc

Mexico

I went on a visa trip to Mexico this weekend.  At first, I wasn't too excited about going, mostly because I had  to go and it wasn't by my own choice, but then, a few weeks ago, one of my co-workers corrected me on it, reminded me that getting to go is really a blessing.  A school-paid vacation.  Something that could end up being really, really fun.

So I started to work on adjusting my attitude, telling myself I don't have to go, I get to.  And, honestly, it started to work.  I don't know why I had been viewing these trips so negatively.  I didn't really have any legitimate reason for not wanting to go...

Then the last three weeks happened, and having a break to go somewhere began to sound very appealing. 

The last three weeks have been stressful.  Very much so.  And getting out of town this time around was just what I needed.  A chance to see different sights, breathe different air.  Just get away so I could come back rejuvenated.

So we went to Mexico. 

There is something about riding on a bus, staring out the window at the scenery rolling by, that is conducive to thinking.  And praying.  And sorting things out.

On this trip, one of the teachers played some songs from her iPod.  Songs about God's faithfulness in the midst of our troubles.  Songs like "through it all, through it all, I've learned to trust in Jesus, I've learned to trust in God..."  And I found myself taking a walk through the past, remembering.  All the trials, all the struggles...and realizing that they do fit together and that no matter what happens in the future, there is no reason to be afraid.  He will still be there.

And Mexico itself was great.  I went to Sam's Club.  I went to Walmart.  I walked around in an air-conditioned mall.  I sat around a pool.  I ate lunch at a park.  And it was sunny.  And it was warm.  I ate a lot of food, visited with lots of people...and how can I even begin to describe the hotel showers?  Someone told me before I left that it's worth going to Mexico just for the hotel's showers.  At first, I thought she was exaggerating, but then I got there and found out what she was talking about...everything about it was perfect.  Perfect amount of water.  Perfect water pressure.  All coming out of the shower head at just the right temperature...I felt like I was stepping out of a spa by the time the shower ended.  And then, to top it all off, the room wasn't cold when I turned off the shower.  (It is so much warmer in this city in Mexico than it is here...here it is cold and we generally wear layers.  A lot of my friends have cracked out their scarves to wear around the house--I am hoping to hold out until December when I can bring mine from home.)

And the beds in the hotel were so comfortable...Laying in bed in the morning with no need to get up early was heavenly...

I think I needed a chance to get away from here for a while.  And now that I'm back, I am feeling much more re-energized for moving into another week.

Thought for the Day

I saw this on a friend's Facebook page:

"Some people belong in your heart but not in your life."

And we have sun!!!

Welcome to the dry season!  Woohoo!!!!

This morning...

I found out I get anxious now whenever it starts to rain heavily.  Especially when it begins to rain in the early morning.  Usually during rainy season Guatemala is like clockwork--dry in the morning, wet in the afternoon.  So when I woke up this morning to heavy rainfall and the power going out, I quickly became anxious.  After all, it was just this time last week that I woke up to find a river in our street and a flooded downstairs.  And just last night I prayed a prayer of gratitude to God that this Wednesday was going to be so different...

So I found myself getting anxious.  Begging God not to let it flood again.  Praying that this storm would just pass, for the electricity to come back on, and for life to get back to normal so we can just relax...

Obviously, there was no need to get so afraid.  I could hear cars passing in the street, a sure sign that it couldn't be flooding enough to come into the house.  But still I felt anxious.  Anxious that the house would flood while I was gone.  Anxious that the river between our house and school would flood so I wouldn't be able to get home...

Take a deep breath...and let it out slowly...

I heard rumors of a cold front that is supposed to come through tomorrow.  The bad news is that it's going to start getting really cold.  The good news is that the rain will probably be stopping...and life can get back to normal.

In the meantime, I am trying to relax, lean on God, go through this in prayer and stop being so afraid.  I know my reaction isn't rational...just a leftover reaction to all the craziness that happened last week.  I can trust that whatever happens, God can guide us through it...I'll just keep hanging on and learn to trust that it will be okay.

Thought for the Day

I saw this one on a friend's Facebook page:

Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength. --Corrie ten Boom

Gratitude by comparison...

A friend recently told me she finds it easier to be thankful for what she has when she compares her situation with other people around her...

As far as that goes, I only have to look at my host family to find a lot to be grateful for.  We shared the experience of the flood, but they were the ones directly impacted by the loss.  And today, while I was worrying about a family member with declining health, I learned that a baby born to one of their relatives last week died today...I, on the other hand, received word that the family member I was worried about might be doing better than I thought...

That doesn't mean I always have to look at the worst case scenario to be grateful, and I realize that we all have our turns at hardships, but the parallels this time were striking.

Another storm?

I have heard today there may be another storm coming towards us.  Please pray...I read in the newspaper today that this tropical depression that we are experiencing has caused the same number of deaths in our immediate area as Hurricane Stan and more deaths than Hurricanes Agatha or Mitch...that's crazy.  I plan on praying that this other storm either fizzles out or misses us...that God will have mercy on this little plot of land.

Blessings...

This morning it hasn't rained...at least not more than an occasional drizzle.  We even kind of have sun.  The sky is still cloudy, but it's bright enough that we can at least enjoy the light of the sun.  The roads are even partially dry... 

Very exciting.

And church this morning was good.  It's a smaller church with a very traditional service...I really enjoyed it.  I know that that isn't just what church is about...perhaps it is more accurate to say that it was biblical, they appear to do community well, the pastor said the church will be looking into ways we can help people who lost things in the flood, and the traditional style of worship was very soothing and helped me remember who God is...

All in all, I would say it was a good morning.

Sunday

Now people are saying the rain could continue through Thursday...something about the storm parking itself over the country.

I suppose I really can't complain...we really aren't getting hit as hard as other areas right now.  The northern part of the country, I hear, is getting the majority of the rain.  We do get brief respites here.  The rain does let up into a light sprinkle...sometimes even stopping altogether (though the sky is always covered with clouds).  Still...

I am really looking forward to the sun coming back here.

More rain means more mudslides.  More areas impacted by floods.  More areas to clean up.  More obstacles blocking the ability to move about the country freely.

I've had two conversations over the last few days about Noah and the flood...I had never really moved beyond a "Sunday School" mentality in considering this story.  But forty days and forty nights.  A flood that destroyed everyone that wasn't safe within the ark.  Enough rain to cover even the highest mountains...

I imagine they grew weary.  I imagine they were traumatized.  I imagine they needed the rainbow just to keep from panicking every time it started to rain again.

What we experienced is just a drop in the bucket compared to that...but my nerves are starting to get frayed.  There is part of me that thinks: if the sun would just shine... it would be easier to move past this.  It would be easier to clean up and move forward.  If the sun would just shine...

To clean up after a flood with the sun on your shoulders is one thing.  To clean up while it is still raining is quite another.  Cleaning up when you know it's over is more uplifting.  Cleaning up while the storm still rages is much harder...

We have been blessed in not having any more flooding.  We have been blessed in getting mostly lighter rain.  But yesterday when I was out of the house, it started pouring.  And when it didn't let up, I began to worry about being able to make it home.  Would the house be flooded again?  Would I have to wade through knee deep water just to make it to my door?

The family has worked so hard to get the house put back together again...I didn't want to see them have to start again from the beginning.

Such were my thought processes...in the end, the rain let up before I even made it home.  But every time it rains hard, I go to the window.  I check to make sure the flooding isn't starting all over again.

If the sun would just shine...

If we could just know this thing is over...

I know I have no right to complain.  I didn't personally lose anything.  My emotions are just getting tired.

Today is Sunday.  I am visiting a new church this morning.  I haven't felt such a strong need to go to church in a very long time.  I am hoping it will be good.

What do you do...

in the face of such need...

What do you do when you see people emptying their house of everything: beds, appliances...

What do you do when you don't know who has people to help them and who is living in desperate need?

What do you do?  How do you help?  How do you even begin to know where to start?

And maybe things are already being done...donations being taken...

There is part of me that wants to jump into action, to do what I need to do to make this crisis pass away...but I don't know what to do yet.

The first day was filled with action.  We prayed.  We did what we needed to do with what was facing us right that moment.  But now...

I see other people working hard at cleaning up, but I...

I don't really know where I fit into it all.  I don't really know what it is I can do.

The emotions are catching up with me.  Grieving.  But not yet knowing what to do in order to move forward.

Just living in each moment...which I guess is really all we can do when living at any given moment...

But what do you do?  Just care for those around you and hope the others get cared for as well?

I'm hoping the church will provide some answers, that when I go tomorrow I will hear others who are ready to move forward with a plan.  I don't like to think of people going to bed tonight with nothing, and I have no way of knowing how many cases like that there are...and maybe the grand scope of things isn't my problem, but still...

I'd like to do something.

I take some of that back...

I might have seen the sun for a while yesterday morning...it's hard to tell because my perception of what counts as raining has changed over the past few days.  If it's not raining hard enough to hear it beating on the roof, I tend to assume the rain has stopped.  I almost don't notice if it's drizzling or just raining gently...

So I might have seen the sun...I really don't know.  :-)

It's still raining...

...and raining.

I never really knew I would miss sunlight so much...

How much longer will the rain last?  Someone today said 48 hours...but that's also what they were saying on Wednesday morning when we had the flood.

48 more hours...

I'm beginning to think this is like the "ocho mas" in the Spanish aerobics class I took in college.  Gritting my teeth to get to ocho, muscles burning, only to hear the instructor call out "ocho mas" and then again "ocho mas"...

So 48 more hours...or perhaps we don't really know.

One thing's for sure, though.  Eventually the rain has got to stop so dry season can begin.  Eventually this storm has got to fizzle out.

I can be thankful it's just a steady rain and not a downpour.

I can be thankful we have food and water and power.

I can be thankful the house isn't flooded anymore...

I can also be thankful our road is no longer filled with sticky, stinky mud.

I can be thankful for rainboots.

I can be thankful for friends and getting through things...

For cooperation and communities that work together to rebuild...

But patience wears down and people get tired.  Cleaning up and rebuilding take lots and lots of work.

And there are other inconveniences...

Laundry, for instance.  I was thankful to find the laundromat near my house didn't flood, though areas on both sides of them did.  The majority of Guatemalans either handwash their laundry or have just a washing machine.  This means that most people dry their clothes on a line either inside or outside the house.  When it's raining, however, some people cope by bringing their laundry to the laundromat where they have dryers.  When I stopped at the laundromat this morning, I was pleasantly surprised to find I will be able to get my clothes by tomorrow.  With all the people needing to dry things, I was expecting to have to wait much longer.  Other people cope in other ways.  I noticed the house across the street has laundry strung up under a covered shelter.  I'm not sure if this is a sign of hope or desperation...It's so humid outside,  I wonder if the clothes will ever dry at all.  On the other hand, eventually the clouds have  to part and the sun has to come out.

We really have a lot to be thankful for at this point.  And when the sun finally does come out, I think we'll have to have some kind of sun-celebration party.

Friday

Today we had school, and I made it there...for a while

Then the director found out I was feeling sick and told me to go home and go to the doctor.  (There was already a sub at school who ended up not being needed, so he was more than happy to take over my Spanish classes.)

The problem is that I don't feel all that sick right now, so coming home to rest is kind of a bother (even though I suppose it's a good idea).  The symptoms kind of come and go...

The plow came through our neighborhood last night to tackle the mud (the street had pooled their resources to pay for one to come).  It didn't do much, though, mostly spread the mud around again so no cars could pass through...So today the neighbors are out shoveling the mud into a pile while others trail behind to get what's left with a hose.  They are doing a good job.  We can actually see the pavement tiles now in the areas they have finished.  Maybe we will soon be able to walk down the street without getting our shoes covered in mud.  (How exciting!)

On the way to school we went through some of the harder hit areas.  They, too, are shoveling mud into piles, hauling it away in wheelbarrows, piling trash into central locations...

It's a process, but it's going...

What I've learned...

The day after a crisis is often more difficult than the day of.  The day of is full of activity, community, and adrenaline.  The day after, the excitement is gone but the mess is still there with work to be done.

Mud gets tiresome.  And it weighs a lot more to shovel than snow...

And the day after a crisis, I feel really tired...

I think a nap may be in order, and I think I will welcome returning to classes tomorrow.  It will be good to get back into the comfortable routine.

Tomorrow

I received word that we will have school tomorrow.  As the bus will be passing through some of the harder hit areas on the way to school, I will probably be able to see how bad the damage is.  I talked to another friend today who lives in another part of town.  She says her street is also completely covered in mud, so I'm not really sure at this point how many neighborhoods were affected.  I guess I'll find out over the next few days as I begin to move more around town.

It's still raining off and on.  The electricity still flickers off from time to time, though never for very long.  But I'm assuming that since school is starting things must be starting to get better around the city again.

Today...

was fairly nice, just a little light rain, so I decided to go out to run a few errands.  Once I got about a block away from here, everything looked so clean.  No mud in the streets and the sidewalks.  It was amazing.  And the stores are full of food and people are out shopping.  I think things are back on their way to normal.  It must just be our neighborhood and one other that were hit the worst (the other zone worse than we were).  I don't know what the other neighborhood is like, but our still has a lot of mud, though enough has been cleared that cars can pass around it.  People are still shoveling, but some of it may need to wait for a truck...

So unless something changes before nightfall, I think we're on our way out of this thing.  Who knows, we may even have school again tomorrow.

Thursday morning...

So far the rain has not been as heavy as I expected.  I heard it rain for a little while at about 5 am.  Then it stopped and started up again at 7...it is still raining right now, but not very hard.  I am still praying the storm fizzles out on us.  We'll see how the day goes...

I heard a newspaperman out this morning.  That was kind of comforting...I took it as a sign that, at least for the moment, life is kind of getting back to normal.  The fact that he was even able to walk down our street at all is a drastic change from where we were 24 hours ago.

I heard a car get stuck in the mud after I went to bed last night.  It sounded like a big group of young guys were out trying to get it unstuck again.  Laughing, counting to three, and making loud pushing noises...whatever they did eventually worked, and I heard the car start moving again.  I liked their attitude, though...I didn't hear a single one of them get angry.

I spent part of last night in prayer...the comfortable kind where you just lay back and communicate with God.  Share what's on your heart... For those of you who don't know, it has been a long time since I've been able to pray like that.  It has only been in the last few weeks that I have been able to dive so unreservedly into it again.  I am very, very glad to be able to do it again.

So now I'm ready to get up and start focusing on the day.  Just this day, not two or three more days down the road.  Let today just be and not try to take in more than what this day will bring.  Just rest and let go...trust that, whatever happens, God will bring us through it.

I've heard from so many of you saying you are praying.  Thank-you.  That has been a real blessing.

Verses for the Day

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

And why do you worry about clothes?  See how the lilies of the field grow.  They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we wear?"  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:25-34  NIV

Tomorrow will worry about itself...  It certainly will.

Today I am Thankful...

For friends who band together

For food and supplies

For impromptu prayer meetings

For water that keeps running

For rain that stops pouring

For lots of hands that work together to clear mud from the streets

For power that keeps running even after it has gone out for a while

For second floors on buildings

For cinder-block buildings

For peace and tranquility, even in the midst of things...

And that things keep on going...today is followed by tomorrow and tomorrow by the day after that.  This, too, shall pass just like the sun keeps rising morning after morning.

We're in God's hands, and for that I am very, very thankful.

Don't get scared...

if you don't hear from me for a while.  It will most likely just mean the power went out.  If that happens, I'll send an update as soon as I can.

prayer update

Please continue to pray.  The weather forecast says we are supposed to get the worst rains tonight (starting at about 4 or 5 pm and continuing through tomorrow morning).  After that, the storm should begin to improve.

and now...

According to the radio, the price of bottled water has gone up now that people need it more.  Even though the water has gone down, it's so thick with mud that many of them are still impassible for cars.  A few people have died.  There have been mudslides.  They have set up places for people who need help and are collecting donations of food, clothes...I think (if I understood correctly) they are even giving vaccinations for people who were in the water.

Update

And now the flooding is down to curb level, so people are starting to sweep the water back out into the street.

Let the cleanup begin...

Still raining...

but the flooding is definitely going down.

And a photo...

I think the water's going down!!!

I looked out the window and saw that there is now a stripe a couple of inches thick on the walls across the street.  I am hoping this means the water is beginning to subside and that no more is coming for a while.  Please pray that our water and electricity stay on.

The rain...

has let up a little bit.  The flooding doesn't seem to be rising as fast as it was an hour or two ago...

I asked my host mom if there is anything we need to do, and she said we just wait for the floods to go down and then we'll start cleaning up.

Storm Warning...

My dad forwarded the official warning from the National Weather Service.  We are not technically in it, but since we aren't all that far from the border (I'm not sure how far it is exactly, but it takes 4-5 hours to drive it, and that's on windy roads with a lot of speed bumps), we are impacted.  It looks like it's headed north/northeast, so the bulk of it will go away from us.  The morning has consisted of waiting, watching, listening to the radio for updates, and talking to people on the phone.  The school has some flooding...mostly around a drainage ditch that got stopped up, but since it is on high ground, it was only about an inch in the classrooms. 

A TROPICAL STORM WARNING IS IN EFFECT FOR...
* BARRA DE TONALA MEXICO SOUTHEASTWARD TO THE MEXICO/GUATEMALA
BORDER

A TROPICAL STORM WARNING MEANS THAT TROPICAL STORM CONDITIONS ARE
EXPECTED SOMEWHERE WITHIN THE WARNING AREA...IN THIS CASE WITHIN 12
TO 24 HOURS.

FOR STORM INFORMATION SPECIFIC TO YOUR AREA OUTSIDE THE UNITED
STATES...PLEASE MONITOR PRODUCTS ISSUED BY YOUR NATIONAL
METEOROLOGICAL SERVICE.


DISCUSSION AND 48-HOUR OUTLOOK
------------------------------
AT 500 AM PDT...1200 UTC...THE CENTER OF TROPICAL DEPRESSION
TWELVE-E WAS LOCATED NEAR LATITUDE 15.1 NORTH...LONGITUDE 93.5 WEST.
THE DEPRESSION IS MOVING TOWARD THE NORTH NEAR 5 MPH...7 KM/H. A
SLOW NORTHWARD MOTION IS EXPECTED TODAY...FOLLOWED BY A TURN TOWARD
THE NORTHEAST TONIGHT. ON THE FORECAST TRACK...THE CENTER OF THE
DEPRESSION WILL MOVE INLAND IN THE WARNING AREA BY TONIGHT.

MAXIMUM SUSTAINED WINDS REMAIN NEAR 35 MPH...55 KM/H...WITH HIGHER
GUSTS. SOME STRENGTHENING IS POSSIBLE...AND THE DEPRESSION COULD
BECOME A TROPICAL STORM BEFORE THE CENTER REACHES THE COAST.

THE ESTIMATED MINIMUM CENTRAL PRESSURE IS 1005 MB...29.68 INCHES.


HAZARDS AFFECTING LAND
----------------------
RAINFALL...THE DEPRESSION IS EXPECTED TO PRODUCE TOTAL RAIN
ACCUMULATIONS OF 5 TO 10 INCHES OVER PORTIONS OF THE THE MEXICAN
STATES OF OAXACA AND CHIAPAS AS WELL AS PORTIONS OF GUATEMALA...
WITH POSSIBLE ISOLATED MAXIMUM AMOUNTS OF 15 INCHES.

WIND...TROPICAL STORM CONDITIONS ARE EXPECTED TO REACH THE
COAST WITHIN THE WARNING AREA BY THIS AFTERNOON OR THIS EVENING.

power

Should the power go out, I will not be able to access internet. 

And some more...

I mentioned mudslides earlier...in the last hurricane that hit here, there were mudslides that actually prevented relief supplies getting into the city.  Please pray that the roads will stay clear.  Not just for us but for all the areas being affected. 

Right now we don't have much to do besides wait and watch the flooding...our electricity has flickered a few times, but so far it hasn't gone out completely.  Hopefully we will continue to have power and water from the tap...

Another map...

Here's another map you might find helpful:

http://www.baynews9.com/weather/tropical

I misunderstood...

The storm is actually coming into Mexico from the Pacific, so it's coming, not going.  I heard it hit Puerto Vallarta at about 1 am.  So how long this lasts, according to the map, just depends on in what direction the storm is moving. 

more info...

Here is a link to a weather map as of 1 am.  I sincerely hope the storm has moved on quite a bit from that time. 

http://www.weather.com/weather/map/interactive/Quetzaltenango+Guatemala+GTXX0005

Please pray for the city.  They don't have the infrastructure cities in the U.S. have.  Please pray that the water will go down and the damage will be minimal.  Thankfully the houses are mostly cement, but some are of mud blocks...please pray that God will enable the people here to bounce back as quickly as possible.

And more flooding...

Classes have been canceled.  Apparently there is flooding around the school so no one can get there.  Other parts of the city are flooded as well, some worse than here.  I have heard the flooding near Las Rosas is very bad.  Hopefully the rain will stop soon so the water can start to go down.

flooding

If you check the tropical weather forecast, there is something sitting right over our part of Guatemala.  I can't tell if it's part of the tropical storm that is going through Mexico or something separate that is producing A LOT of rain.  It rained all yesterday morning, which is very unusual.  Then it POURED all night...

And flooded our neighborhood.

I woke up at a little before 5 to my host family waking up and getting to action on the flooding downstairs.  (Thankfully, the house has two floors, so we have somewhere to go.)  At the moment, the rain is still coming down.  Last time I saw somebody walk by in the street, the water was waist deep.  Apparently, the last time a hurricane came through here, it was another part of town that flooded.  My host mom doesn't think we'll have to leave...at least she hopes the water won't get that high.  We do have a roof to go to if it comes to that...we would have to get A LOT more rain before resorting to that, though.

Hopefully the rain will stop soon so everything can go down.  I've heard that's what it typically does here as soon as soon as the rain has somewhere to go.

Fear...

And once again fear takes over...

Fear of what the consequences of this mess will be...

Fear that the ramifications of this will trail after me, leaving a wave of destruction behind it...

Fear that God won't be able to sort it out.  That's God's good won't be good enough...

You get the picture. 

I know it's a cliche, but I think I need to "let go and let God." :-)

Emotions...

Here are some thoughts from today's Slice of Infinity:

An article in a psychology journal recently made a case for the importance of human emotion...Emotions exist to warn us that there are specific underlying beliefs or behaviors that are endangering us. Thus, deeming emotions like fear, doubt, or despair as negative or unwanted, we distract ourselves from heeding their warning...

In the weighted words of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus took the strenuous commandments of the law and the prophets to an exhausting new level. He explained that it was not merely murder that God forbade, but anger burning toward another person. It was not just adultery that corrupted God's intention for marriage but even lust at all. He carried the sins God abhors to the emotions they are rooted in, inviting us to see the power of our emotions and the creator in the midst of them. Our actions do not come merely by impulse, but by a system of values to which a life is committed. Emotions, like pain, are the alarm system of the body. They will lead us to God or further away from God... 

Like an alarm warning the owner that there is something amiss in the building, our emotions hint at what is moving in our depths.

Hymns

I went for a walk after church today.  I had some errands to run and things to think about, and processing difficult situations always seems to work better when my feet are moving.

By the time I came home, I had come to a few conclusions.  One, if God commands us to forgive, then he will enable us to it...it's not entirely on our shoulders to concoct the right emotions.  Two, if it's a problem between "family" in the church, he is a listening ear and is a Father to both...

So we spent some time in "conversation", and I came home with a much, much lighter heart.

Then, because a friend had posted a link to some country style gospel music on her blog, I ended up doing a search of my own and came across the following songs.  The first because it was on my heart when I came home today.  The others because they are songs I remember learning at the church services at the nursing home when we would go to visit my great-grandma.  They are some of the first hymns I ever learned.  Even now, there is something very soothing to hearing hymns sung in a traditional style, especially when I hear a group of elderly voices lifted in song.  So these are in their memory.  I hope you enjoy them.

http://youtu.be/p74pB-WhsWE Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
http://youtu.be/Z9XZ_HSquUQ  Blessed Assurance
http://youtu.be/yzzqhaLl_8w  In the Garden
http://youtu.be/wpfsZZ9X5n8 I Love to Tell the Story

Side effects and consequences...

I spent a lot of time in church this morning praying for forgiveness...to learn how so I can move forward unscathed and not grow bitter.

What I realized is that I'm not as angry now as I am hurt...and I realized that is because cutting out those parts of life that are not healthy can still be painful, even if, in the long run, taking this path is really much, much better.

It's like how doctors have to remove the dead skin when a person has been burned.  The dead skin has to go before the person can heal...

Or like in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader when Aslan peels the dragon skin from Eustace's body...it was painful, but the long-term effects were healthy and good.

I know things will get better.  I can throw out the bad and choose to keep the good. 

And trust that God will be faithful.  Even now, I can tell the anger is more distant than it was before, removed from me just enough that I can see I will get through it...

I'll take the lessons I gained from the experience and move on.  It's definitely not the end of the world.

On a side note, I had forgotten how trials here are so closely linked with homesickness.  I am bracing myself against it and actively reminding myself that this one experience does not reflect on this place as a whole.

On another side note, the fleas are back again...but when my mom asked about them the other day, I told her I actually really prefer them to what I was going through just a few days before.  Compared to that situation, the fleas are like long-lost, welcome friends.  (By comparison, of course.  I still won't mourn too much when they're gone. :-)

Huskers game

I caught the fourth quarter on TV--that was AWESOME!

web streaming...

I went online today to see if I could find live streaming of the Huskers game on one of the radio stations...for some reason, though, the only channel I could find where the streaming worked on my computer wasn't playing the Husker game; it was playing Rush Limbaugh.  I thought that was funny. :-)

Tranquilidad

I found myself starting to relax this afternoon and actually start to enjoy myself as I set about running some errands after school.  Finally feeling myself loosen up after the tense emotions of the past few days...

There is promise it may be resolved now.  And if it does raise its head again, it is not something I need to worry about right now.

For now, I am simply savoring this precious moment of returning peace.

Past blogs

Wow, I just went back and reread the blog about the Jerram Barrs quote.  Talk about perfect timing...

Windows and Mirrors

In my cross-cultural communication class in college, I learned that sometimes interacting with people around us can function like a mirror, allowing us to better understand ourselves. 

But sometimes, I am learning, our interactions with others are more like a window...

What other people choose to do isn't always a reflection of ourselves.  Sometimes they just choose to act...and for good or bad, that is what happens.  That is what ripples out, affecting other people. 

It is not always a reflection of what the people around them did or did not do. 

That's probably obvious to some people, but it's something I'm still pondering and learning to figure out. 

Troubles

I read this quote by Charles Spurgeon today:

Our heavenly Father sends us frequent troubles to test our faith. If our faith is worth anything, it will stand the test. Gilt is afraid of fire, but gold is not: The imitation gem dreads being touched by the diamond, but the true jewel fears no test. It is a poor faith that can only trust God when friends are true, the body is healthy, and the business profitable; but it is true faith that rests in the Lord's faithfulness when friends are gone, the body is ailing, spirits are depressed, and the light of our Father's face is hidden. A faith that can say, in the deepest trouble, "Though he slay me, I will hope in him"¹ is heaven-born faith.

I've been starting to question myself, think if I had only found just the right words to say, shown just the right reaction, perhaps this crisis could have been averted...but, no, when I am entirely honest, I realize it just happened.  Someone made a choice, and God allowed it to happen.  And I'll get through it.  It isn't something that will follow me forever.  And it isn't something I brought about.  It just happened, and I'll learn from it, and I'll move forward stronger because of it...

I hope.  It's a little hard to say for sure when I'm right in the middle, but past experiences have shown that I can have that hope.  (I'm just really tired.  Give me a good weekend of sleep, and I'll have a much brighter perspective. :-)

Today

I am so glad tomorrow is Friday.  I am physically and emotionally worn out...it has been a long week.  A very, very long week.  Such a combination of emotions accompanied by stress and a few almost sleepless nights.  I'm so tired...I'm thinking now might be a good time to just get ready for bed, put on a podcast, and look forward to tomorrow.  Things usually look better by early morning light and a night of rest...

Thought for the Day

This one is thanks to friend...

Deut 31.8

“don’t be afraid for the Lord will go before you and will be with you. He will not fail or forsake you.”

Today

Things look a lot brighter this morning than they did 24 hours ago...I am hopeful things are well on their way to being resolved.  If not, there is a plan, but I am optimistic this will be the end of it.

Community

Today I am thankful for community.  They took a very difficult situation and helped me start sorting it out while also giving me the sense that they were standing beside me so I wouldn't have to face it on my own.  For that I am very grateful.

Lesson for the day...

Just because you meet someone in church does NOT make them trustworthy.

Podcast...

I had trouble sleeping last night, so I decided to listen to some Jerram Barrs podcasts I had downloaded a while back.  And in one of them he said that one of the greatest heresies today is the idea that we have control over what will happen to us...(I don't have the exact quote since I was laying in bed hoping to fall back asleep, not taking notes.)  But it makes sense.  I know my own sense of control can get out of hand, that grasping desire to do everything for myself so I won't have to lean on anyone else (including God).  Sure, I give God the lip service, but when it comes down to it, I have to admit that very often the trust is in myself alone.  If I worry enough, maybe the good things will happen... If I consider every alternative perhaps disaster can be averted... It's a delicate balance between living irresponsibly and trying to take too much control, living in fear that even hoping for something will ensure it will not happen.  Maybe the answer is in remembering who God is.  That he is good.  That he has the capability of turning even the most horrific of circumstances into something good...

Maybe the answer is in paying more attention to him and less attention to what I may or may not be doing or fearing might go wrong.

Thoughts on grading...

I hate grading papers...I love grading student writing, don't mind grading quizzes and tests, even enjoy grading projects from time to time, but I hate grading daily work.  One would think that, given complete freedom to grade my students in the way I see fit, I would have found a way around this by now.  Instead, I spent a couple of hours today sifting through papers, reading through grammar exercises, and entering scores in my gradebook.

I put headphones into the computer and listened to music--that helped.  But I am starting to wonder if I should invest in a clipboard and grade the way I was shown in some of my education classes--as the students work.  That way I could focus my attention outside of class grading the things I really enjoy (and lesson planning, which is something I enjoy even more).  It's worth a thought, but I guess we're going to be entering into a writing project soon, anyway, so it will be a while before I'll need to put that thought into action...

Either that or I can just wax eloquent in a poem, something along the lines of my favorite Jack Prelutsky poem, the one that begins with: Homework, oh homework, I hate you, you stink, I wish I could wash you away in the sink...

Should my thoughts about grading ever make their way into a poem, I'll make sure to post it here so everyone can enjoy it. :-)

(Oh, and on an exciting side note, I found the most recent Notes from Toad Hall in my mailbox after school.  Yay!  I think I know what I'll be reading tonight. :-)

Church

I decided to visit a presbyterian church this morning...I had never gone inside this particular church before--perhaps because it looked like it might be gloomy inside, perhaps because I heard someone tell of someone they knew who visited that church and was asked to sing a song for the congregation in English...I don't sing well, so at that time, I thanked my lucky stars I hadn't happened to visit THAT church when I was church-hunting.

Well, I now know people who attend this church and was assured that visitors are not requested to sing the congregation a song.  They are, however, asked to speak into a microphone.  I wasn't excited about that.  But when it came time for visitors to stand up, a missions team from America was introduced and their leader said his piece.  Then a Guatemalan man stood up and greeted the congregation in the microphone.  I, however, did not raise my hand or stand.  Instead, I stayed seated next to some Americans I knew had visited the church before and did my best NOT to look like a first time visitor.  It worked, too.  Nobody called me on it or asked for my name.  I was very excited.  I personally do not support requiring visitors to stand up and address the congregation.  I don't even like standing up to receive a "distinguished visitor" sticker.  (But that's just me. :-)

I was looking forward to the more traditional service this morning, and the longer hymns were a welcome change.  However, I was disappointed to hear another sermon that was only loosely based on scripture.  Finding a church where the sermon is framed around scripture is proving fairly hard to find.  So far the pentecostal church comes closest, so I will probably just continue going there. 

Football

Since the Husker game was on ABC, I was actually able to watch it here.  Usually there is lots of family around, but tonight was more quiet, the TV was available, and nobody had any problems with me going into the living room to watch it.  So I got my fix of Husker football.  A welcome taste of home. :-)

(Honestly, I think I was mostly watching to see Pelini chewing his gum on the sidelines...that sight alone made me feel like I was home again. :-)