Side effects and consequences...

I spent a lot of time in church this morning praying for forgiveness...to learn how so I can move forward unscathed and not grow bitter.

What I realized is that I'm not as angry now as I am hurt...and I realized that is because cutting out those parts of life that are not healthy can still be painful, even if, in the long run, taking this path is really much, much better.

It's like how doctors have to remove the dead skin when a person has been burned.  The dead skin has to go before the person can heal...

Or like in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader when Aslan peels the dragon skin from Eustace's body...it was painful, but the long-term effects were healthy and good.

I know things will get better.  I can throw out the bad and choose to keep the good. 

And trust that God will be faithful.  Even now, I can tell the anger is more distant than it was before, removed from me just enough that I can see I will get through it...

I'll take the lessons I gained from the experience and move on.  It's definitely not the end of the world.

On a side note, I had forgotten how trials here are so closely linked with homesickness.  I am bracing myself against it and actively reminding myself that this one experience does not reflect on this place as a whole.

On another side note, the fleas are back again...but when my mom asked about them the other day, I told her I actually really prefer them to what I was going through just a few days before.  Compared to that situation, the fleas are like long-lost, welcome friends.  (By comparison, of course.  I still won't mourn too much when they're gone. :-)