Thoughts on Stability and Change...

It's getting to be that time of year when my thoughts begin to turn to what I plan on doing at the end of this school year.  This is with good reason.  Usually in working overseas, contracts are reissued in Dec or Jan so the schools can begin the hiring process for positions that will be left empty when school ends in the spring.

Sometimes, this decision has been easy.  The first time I came here, I had a feeling I would be staying for two or more years.  So signing the first contract at that time was easy.  Other decisions have been harder.

This time around, I'm not sure what my decision will be.  I'm open to staying longer...and I'm open to going away.  However, going away would have to involve finding another opportunity, having a reason to go away.  Which is entirely possible...I just, right now, don't know what that opportunity would be. 

So I have been thinking about where life is going, what I'd like my life to be...and thinking a lot about stability and what stability really means.

Is stability a nice house and two cars?  Is stability finding a place with lots of friends and family around?  Is stability in affluence or finding a place to settle after moving around?

While I would love to say yes to any one of those questions, my heart knows the rest...those illusions of things that seem so strong and powerful (while important) don't last forever.  While I won't deny that some of these things I label as "stable" are true blessings when you have them, a day will come when it will begin to fall apart...whether through death, decay, or simply the passage of time. 

When I worked in assisted living, what struck me was how temporal the stages of life really are.  Those years with small children that seem to last forever...the house that turns into a home that hears so many tears and laughter.  Eventually the children grow up...and eventually the house is downsized to something smaller...treasures are sorted and divvied out to family and friends...and eventually each and every one of us will slow down and begin to die...

Even when our lives seemed so secure for so long.

So I find myself wondering what stability really is.  Is stability holding our blessings with open hands?  Trusting God to guide us through it?  Having faith that one day we really will find restoration--friendships that last forever, unending life and health--knowing that, one day, we will not be subject to this kind of change? 

Maybe this life itself is drastically unstable.  And maybe stability only comes through holding on to the only one who isn't swayed or changed by it...

And maybe outwardly that kind of life doesn't always look all that "stable" at all. 

There are times I really want to just trust my eyes.  Let the illusions remain and convince myself they will not fail...but I don't need to look very far to see what will become of them. 

Maybe planning for the future involves getting my heart in the right place.  Seeing things clearly from that perspective...

So I don't have an answer yet about what I intend to do the next school year.  But I'll be thinking and praying and weighing pros and cons...and hopefully getting an idea of what my life should look like, or at the very least, what I hope my life to look like next...

And if I don't get the big picture, I'll just content myself with taking the very next step.  Living day by day has pros as well as cons.