This morning...

I hate when God asks us to hope for the impossible...it would be a lot easier to hope if what we were hoping for was at least a little more likely...

I got into an argument with God about that this morning on my way to church.  I won't share exactly what I said (if I did, I would burst any bubble anyone has about me being "holy"), but let's just suffice it to say I was mad.

The crazy thing is, it's not that what I am hoping for is impossible...it just to me seems highly unlikely, unlikely to the point of being in the realm of the impossible.  And the longer I wait, the more the battle rages inside of me.  Wanting to dream, but not daring to be disappointed.

Like the Shunammite woman narrowing her eyes and saying, "Don't mislead your servant, O man of God"...

There is part of me that just wants to tell God not to even go there...don't play with this.  If it's not going to come to pass, don't mess with me.  Touching those emotions if it's not going to come to pass is too painful.

Yet the more I pray about it, the more I get the sense I should continue to dream.  It is uncomfortable.  It would be easier to just be surprised with it one day.  Out of the blue.  Without the forewarning and having to learn to hold on to the dream.

Dreaming is hard.  Having hope is still harder.  Holding on to a dream when the world's experiences seem against it is almost impossible.

Yet day by day, I keep plodding through it.  For whatever reason, God doesn't appear to want me to let go (at least if I am hearing from him correctly).  If I'm wrong, perhaps I have an "out" and can go away and do whatever I please...

Unfortunately, though, I don't believe that "out" is there and think I better stick to the path laid out before me. 

So here's to another day of plodding through it and working to keep the dream alive...