Thoughts on "home"...

I went for a walk this afternoon, to get some exercise and think through some things...

Like where my life is going...
Whether or not I think I want to sign on to come back next year...
And if I don't come back next year, then what?..
And what it means to have a home...
And what is the true meaning of family and community...
And is it truly possible to even begin to find all of that here and now, on this side of eternity?

I thought of Abraham and how he was promised a homeland yet lived his entire life in a tent.  And I was reminded of a song I remember hearing when I was young:

This world is not my home, I'm just a passin' through.
My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue.
The angels beckon me from heaven's open door,
that's why I can't feel at home in this world anymore...

And the MercyMe song:

I close my eyes, and I see your face
If home's where my heart is, then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now...

And all those people in Hebrew's hall of faith that received the promise but never saw it come to pass during their lifetime...

So where would I go from here?  What would I do?  Would any other place I went simply bring about more of the same? 

Or is life simply a matter of letting go?  Learning to live without that promise...believing it will come yet waiting and waiting and waiting...waiting for eternity so we can begin to see?

But if that's the case, then why did Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead?  When Martha said he would rise again when the Lord came, why didn't Jesus just say, "okay"?

Yet he let John the Baptist die.  He didn't reattach his head the way he repaired the ear of the servant in the Garden of Gethsemane.

So what is the meaning of life as we live it?  (Don't worry, I don't intend to sum that up in one simple blog entry. :-)  What are we doing?  Why are we here?  And where is the balance between living life and stepping back to merely accept it?  When do we dare to dream? 

As I was contemplating these things, I came across a bush with small yellow flowers.  Slightly wilted (with dry season upon us the flowers are past their prime), yet still pretty.  I stopped to look them over.  Enjoy the burst of color before moving on my way.  Stopping to "smell the flowers," one could say. 

I came here expecting to learn more about home, but I still find myself almost entirely without answers. 

I still don't have my answers, and I don't really know what else to say.  So perhaps it's a good time to end this blog entry, at least for today.