Patience

I have realized in the past few days that I'm not very patient...

Sure, I've learned to be patient in suffering--there was a lot of kicking and fighting that went into learning that one.  But excitement gets me--I haven't learned how to handle that one well. 

When I'm anxious for something I want it to happen now.  When I see God doing something great (in the beginning stages) I want it completed now.  I think maybe I don't actually trust Him to complete it.

With suffering, I've had to learn to trust He would bring me out of it somehow.  Eventually.  But I guess i haven't gotten very excited about much lately, so when I do get excited, I don't really know how to handle it.

Case in point--friendships, new beginnings.  I see the beginning growth and want to see it completed now.  I have a tendency to forget that much of the joy is in the journey.

I think it's a fear that what I'll find at the end of the tunnel will just turn up empty.  That my hope will be unfounded.  That there will not be the promised ending.

Perhaps I need to find a middle road.  In the process of learning patience in suffering, I think I happened to let go of hope.  And hope is the key to patience in all things.

I happened to read these words from Ravi Zacharias Ministries' "Slice of Infinity" today:

The notion of hope, like many words today, requires clarification.  The word is often spoken of as synonymous with wishing.  We use the term to denote a vague longing for something that we want but find unlikely to happen...Yet hope as it is defined in the Christian worldview is more robust than a wish, more fixed and sure than a vague longing.  It carries the idea of delayed but guaranteed fulfillment.     

It's like carrying helium balloons on a bumpy, winding path.  The balloons are a reminder that you're going to the party.  Sometimes I catch a glimpse of the celebration but then get so sidetracked by the fact that I'm not there yet, that I convince myself the party might not be there after all.  Better to be caught unaware and be pleasantly surprised at the end of the road than get there and find the whole thing was just a mirage.

But hope is based on something solid.  An assurance that even if it does fall through in this life, there will be restoration.  We don't need to set ourselves up for disappointment...

And so I get impatient.  I want to see the ending to know there's proof that what I hope will come to pass.  But maybe there's a way to enjoy the moment, like a child at a scavenger hunt whose excitement builds with every clue that brings the final ending that much closer.  To enjoy it knowing there will be fulfillment and not be discouraged by an expected detour.