Dreary weather...

I've been feeling irritated the past few days.  Not like I'm lashing out at anybody or anything... just an underlying irritability that doesn't go away.  I suppose it's a combination of hormones and lack of sleep and a lot of other little things.

This morning I woke up at 3:30.  I don't know why.  It has just been happening a lot since I came to Guatemala.  There isn't really any external reason to explain the waking up...there isn't even a rooster in my neighborhood this time around (the last place I lived the rooster started crowing at about 2 am, well before dawn--it was a familiar background noise I got used to hearing when I lived there).  I just wake up and then start thinking about things.

This morning I heard the electricity go off at around 4.  We had A LOT of rain yesterday, enough to make little rivers in some of the streets, and the rain actually continued throughout the night and into the morning.  That felt strange.  Usually in rainy season the morning is dry and the afternoon is wet. 

So I took a cold shower and went to school with everything wet and dreary.  It just felt weird, kind of surreal, like it does whenever anything unexpected happens in the early morning hours.  On the plus side, we had a nice sunny afternoon for a change.  So I went out to buy rainboots.  (I already had to dry out my dress shoes one day last week after getting them soaked.)

I hope the rainboots fit...I went to the market to look around since another teacher told me that is where she found hers, and after walking by a lot of shoe stores, I decided to actually respond to the "Pase adelante" by the storekeeper who then asked what I was looking for.  When I asked if he had any rainboots, he immediately pulled out a pair of boots that appeared to be my size.  He offered to let me try them on to make sure they would fit, but I declined, telling him I didn't have any socks.  He said it was okay, but I still declined, choosing to hold them up to my shoes and look at the size instead.  He was right--they are a little loose, but I think when I have pant legs tucked into them, they should be okay.  (I didn't really feel like shopping around, and the price was good and they appeared to be my size--I was happy to take him up on it.)

I found it kind of amusing that I was the one insisting that socks were an issue.  Usually in the U.S. it's the other way around... 

I noticed when I was out today that I don't talk to people as much as I used to before.  I am more content to just stay silent, and if people think that means I don't speak Spanish, I'm okay letting them think that... I think when I was here before, I really wanted to prove I could speak the language.  But when I was here before, I also had a clearer idea of my purpose in coming.  This time around, I'm not so sure what my purpose is...and maybe after working in Korea (where I truly didn't speak the language), I am less worried about being perceived as a foreigner (since that is really what I am).  I'm more content to just be and less concerned about proving something. 

I kind of wonder if the purpose issue might be contributing to the irritability...I like knowing where I'm going so I can plan on how to get there.  This time around, I really, honestly do not know.  I wasn't planning on coming here until June.  It was just a matter of taking up the opportunity that presented itself. 

So since I don't know what's coming, I have to take things one day at a time.  It has its pros and cons.  I've been less worried and stressed about things, more content to take life as it comes.  Everyday is a little bit different.

Yesterday, for example.  Since it was raining so hard, I decided to just stay home after school.  And I had hardly been home five minutes when the little boy who lives at the house came up with a box of dominoes and asked me if I wanted to play.  How could I say no to that?  I ended up having a really enjoyable evening building things out of dominoes, coloring pictures, and looking at books.  Then there was catching up with the family and a student who is staying here for a few weeks to study Spanish over dinner...

Lots of conversations.  Hardly any of them planned...

Maybe that's part of taking life as it comes.  Being surprised.  Letting the unexpected happen...